My "3" reasons for the decision I have made

I've been contemplating on whether or not to post this blog for a couple of days. It's personal to me and something that is close to my heart. However, it's been on my mind a lot lately and I'm hoping by posting this it will be way of releasing all of these thoughts in my head!

This week I am having surgery to prevent me from having any more children. My decision to have this surgery is not solely for birth control, as I am having personal issues that should improve after having this surgery. However, I have been told that having more children is probably not a wise choice, so this surgery will ensure that this is taken care of. This has been a difficult decision to make, even though Robert and I have decided that we are done having children. This will be final and there is no going back once the procedure is done. However, after reflecting I realized that I have three reasons for making this decision.

****Caution: This is REALLY long!****

Reason # 1:

Robert and I decided in June of 2002 that we were ready to have children and in August I found out that I was pregnant. This pregnancy was easy and care free. The only complication that I had throughout was minor nosebleeds, so I couldn't complain! At my baby shower I knew that I was swollen, but just assumed that this was normal for all pregnancies.

Check out my fat fingers!!

However, at 37 weeks I went in for a routine OB visit and was shocked to discover that my blood pressure was high and was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. In fact, it was too high for my doctor and she decided to send me home on bed rest until my delivery, which would be an induction a couple of days before my due date. I knew that this could be dangerous, but I really wasn't concerned because I felt fine. I went home that day and enjoyed three weeks of rest anticipating the arrival of my first-born. The evening of Sunday, May 4, I checked into the hospital preparing to deliver my baby the next day. I was induced around 8:00 the next morning and given an epidural shortly after. The epidural was wonderful and I felt relaxed and at ease the whole day. I didn't even feel I was in labor even though my contractions were off the charts!! However, my doctor came in around 4:00 and apparently my body did not like the labor that was going on and my blood pressure was excessively high and the baby's heart rate was dropping. Within twenty minutes there was a team of people in my delivery room ready for the delivery of the baby and I was advised that I needed to deliver or they would have to take the baby by C-section. I did not want this to happen, so I was determined to deliver my baby girl.

Bailey Grace Dickerson was born at 5:04 PM on May 5. The minute she was born, the nurses and doctor took her to get her breathing and to check to make sure she was okay. In fact, Robert didn't even get to cut the cord. Luckily, everything was fine with her and the first time that I got to hold her was when she was all cleaned up and swaddled.

However, since my blood pressure was dangerously high, I was administered magnesium to lower it. This is routine for my situation, but I felt sick for about 24 hours and didn't really get to enjoy Bailey the first day of her life.

All in all, I felt that I was lucky and everything turned out okay, so no worries!

Reason # 2:

Bailey was a perfect baby and everything was so easy with her, so Robert and I decided in March of 2004 that we were ready to have another baby. We figured that it would take a few months, but in April I learned that I was pregnant!! This pregnancy was a little harder on me, but I attributed a lot of this to the fact that I was tending to a baby/toddler and didn't get to rest anytime I wanted to like my first pregnancy. My OB told me that the risk was there for me to have pre-eclampsia again, but only time would tell if this was the case. The pregnancy was pretty care free, but at 30 weeks my doctor decided she was going to induce me three weeks before my due date just to be safe. We were able to pick the date and the window was in the time of Robert's birthday, so this is the day we picked. Of course, I was swollen again, but isn’t everybody when they’re pregnant!

My induction was on a Friday, so I went in for one last visit earlier that week and history was being repeated. My blood pressure shot up over the Thanksgiving weekend and I was being sent home on bed rest until the delivery of my second child, which luckily was only a couple of days away.

I checked into the hospital Thursday night, and was induced Friday morning at 8:00. I had this routine down!! This labor was a lot faster and even though I was given an epidural, I actually felt pain, which I DID NOT LIKE!! However, I shouldn't complain, because the epidural was helping, just not enough for me.

Brianna Jean Dickerson was born at 12:27 PM on December 3. Luckily, my blood pressure wasn't as much of an issue, so Robert was able to cut the cord this time. In fact, as soon as I delivered her they put her on me instantly, which was a bit of shock since this didn't happen with Bailey. Also, no magnesium this time, so what a relief!!

I felt overjoyed to have two beautiful girls and really didn't give my health much concern over what had happened. So many women have this problem when pregnant, so I felt I was lucky in that mine really wasn't that bad.

However.....

Reason # 3:

After a couple of years of trying to convince Robert that I REALLY wanted one more child and wouldn't it be neat to have a little boy, he finally agreed in June of 2007. Wouldn’t you know that in August I found out that I was pregnant!! Obviously, fertility is not an issue for me.

This pregnancy was COMPLETELY different than the other two. I had horrible morning sickness and felt nauseous all the time. I had a feeling that this meant I was having a boy and in December we found out that this was the case!! I was so excited and know that Robert was ecstatic. I felt a little relieved too, because I don't know what would have happened if it were another girl. Poor Robert!!

Because we moved at the end of my last pregnancy, I changed doctors to one that was closer to where we currently live. Because of this, I had to give her my medical history of my last pregnancies, so that she was aware that I had pre-eclampsia with both of them. I'm not sure why, but I felt nervous with this one and watched my health more closely. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that my third pregnancy was so different than the others. I felt horrible pretty much the entire time and remember telling Robert on more than one occasion that I was done having babies after this. Since I had pre-eclampsia before, I knew the warning signs to look for. However, it came on a lot sooner with this one, then it did with the girls. At my baby shower, I felt miserable and every joint in my body hurt from all the swelling.

I saw my doctor the next day and I was sent home on bed rest at 34 weeks. This time I was nervous because I wasn't full term and was afraid that I would have to deliver before it was time for the baby to be born. I tried my best to rest and take care of myself, or as much rest as I could with two little girls at home to take care of.

Easter came early that year in March and that morning I knew something was wrong. I was swollen like I was before, so that was nothing new, but my body ached from all the swelling and pressure. Also, I could barely open my eyes from the extra fluid in my body and I was miserable!! We took the girls to church that morning and I sat through Sunday School, but told Robert that I couldn't make it through service and we went home. I made an appointment with my OB the next day and even on bed rest my blood pressure was staying too high. With the girls, bed rest seemed to keep my blood pressure low, but this time it was different. She told me to go home and get my stuff ready and be back at the hospital that evening to be induced the next morning.

Once again, I was induced around 8:00 in the morning and given my epidural shortly after that. I was getting good at this! This labor was more like Bailey's and I was relaxed and rested most of the day. I felt pretty weak that day, so it felt better for me to close my eyes. I drifted in and out of sleep most of the day and finally started pushing around 3:00.

Braden Wayne Dickerson was born at 4:06 on March 25.

He had some breathing issues, so he was in the NICU the first night of his life. Luckily, he transitioned and was back in the nursery the next day. My blood pressure was checked while I was in the hospital, but there seemed to be no concern.

We were routinely released from the hospital like all my other times and were ready to care for our newborn with my health issues behind us. With all of my pregnancies, I stayed swollen for a few weeks with the fluid that my body had retained, but this time felt different. I remember thinking that I still looked seven months pregnant and this didn't seem normal. Over our first weekend home I felt a lot of pressure in my chest that I had never felt before, so I called my doctor Monday to see what was going on. Braden was only six days old and I just figured that it was my milk coming in. However, I was advised that this was not the case and I needed to get to the ER right away! A rush of panic took over me. Luckily, Robert was still home, but what was I going to do with three children that were four and under?! My dear friend took the girls and Robert and I headed to the hospital with the baby.

To make a long story short, my blood pressure was EXTREMELY high and I was admitted to the hospital. I stayed for three days and I was emotionally a wreck having to be away from my baby. Once again, I had to have magnesium, UGH, but they were able to finally lower my blood pressure with meds. I knew that I was swollen, but never realized how much. I lost 15 pounds of fluid while in the hospital for those three days.

At a follow-up appointment my doctor strongly advised me to no longer have children, which Robert and I had already decided. However, it wasn't because of personal reasons anymore. Medically, I was being instructed to no longer do this to my body, which was a different feeling. It kind of frightened me because I don't think I realized how severe this condition could be and what could have happened.

What if I hadn't called my doctor that day and just continued with the discomfort that I was feeling?

Who knows what could have happened?

A seizure?

Or even worse, a stroke?

It's because of this that I knew that my decision was final and we would not be having any more kids. Lately, I have been having some "female" issues and was given options to fix this problem. One of the options would also prevent me from ever having children again. This is the option I picked and really didn't have to give it much thought. I understand the ramifications of my decision, but know that I cannot put my body through that again. Obviously, I am able to get pregnant easily and don't want take a chance. I love my kids and do not want to chance my health by risking the chance of becoming pregnant again. However, part of me feels guilty about this because I know so many people that have the hardest time conceiving and even carrying a child to full term. I, on the other hand, do not have this problem and I am so easily taking steps to prevent this from ever happening again. Although, I know that I am making the right decision for my family and me. I would like to physically be here to raise my kids and do this with my health at 100%. God gave me three miracles and I am blessed to have them!